 |
|
|
|
Bridal Party Ages
In response to your inquiries, WeddingChannel.com's etiquette expert Peggy Post has chosen to address this interesting and complex question.
We've been discussing who we want to include in our bridal party, and the range in ages is incredible. For instance, my niece is 11, which seems mature for a flower girl but too young to be a bridesmaid, and my fiancé wants both an uncle who is in his sixties and his 8-year-old nephew to serve as groomsmen. Are there any set guidelines on age to follow when considering people for certain roles?
When you choose your attendants, think about whom you would like around and assisting you on the day of your wedding. Bridesmaids and ushers are traditionally chosen from among the bride's and groom's families and close friends.
There are certain responsibilities and duties associated with being a bridesmaid, groomsman, or usher that are usually determined by the bride and groom. Some of these duties are derived from tradition, while others are based on practicalities. There are also financial obligations for attendants, from travel expenses to clothing.
How do these considerations correlate to a person's age? Not at all, really, except it's good o give extra thought when considering children as attendants. What's more important is your attendants' desire to be in the wedding party and their willingness to help you.
You're right in thinking that at the age of 11 your niece is too old to be a flower girl. She's the perfect age to be a junior bridesmaid. Junior bridesmaids are girls between eight and fourteen who are too old to be flower girls and too young to be bridesmaids.
As a junior bridesmaid your niece (and her parents, when planning) will have a list of duties and responsibilities. These include paying for her wedding attire, attending the rehearsal, and possibly the rehearsal dinner. On the day of the wedding, she will walk in the processional. She is not expected to give a shower, although she may be invited to attend. She wouldn't normally be asked to stand in the receiving line.
By the same logic, at eight your fiancé's nephew is too old to be a ring bearer. A more appropriate role for him would be to serve as a junior usher or groomsmen. While his duties would be altered slightly because of his age (he shouldn't, for example, attend the bachelor party), he can still perform the majority of the traditional responsibilities of an usher or groomsman. Your fiancé should have no qualms about asking his uncle to be a groomsman. It's likely that he'll be flattered. You may even ask the uncle to team up with the nephew so that the young boy has a designated "mentor" of sorts to help him execute his duties throughout the day.
It's important to talk to these young people and their parents beforehand; above all else, make sure that they're comfortable taking on the role of an attendant. They need to understand what their role is and what they are expected to do. Allow them to decide whether or not they want to participate. If a young person seems uncomfortable, don't force the issue. Tell them that their presence at the wedding is meaningful enough for you.
Don't worry about trying to make sure there's the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. The bride's and groom's attendants do not need to be evenly paired. There is no need to struggle to equalize numbers to create matched sets. Keep in mind that you'll want to have enough ushers so that guests are seated expediently. One usher per fifty guests is a good gauge.
Share your ideas on our message boards
|
|
|
|
|
